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Friday, March 16, 2012

Unsaid and Untitled

Being just a social drinker, a full bottle of rum was heavy on my mind and body equally.  And when I woke up at noon on the Saturday, I had a painful headache. I had absolutely no memory of what all I had done after 10pm of Friday.
It was because of a girl, as is in most of the cases for a boy. And I can’t name her as my EX, even. The relationship was quite complicated.

Back to the that day, I never thought I would wake up with a blackout. I cursed myself for all the love that I nourished for her. I finally got up from my bed and rushed to the washroom, and drenched my face with cold water, assuming it will have a soothing affect. Even that couldn’t make me relax and was of no help . I searched for some disprin in my medicine bag. With a heavy struggle for 5 mins I found 2 tablets and mixed both of them in water and gulped in fraction.
After 5 mins, I was back to normal. A strong coffee is always the best thing to start off a day even if it’s an afternoon that the day starts at. I found my way to the kitchen. Back to the bed and sipping the hot coffee, I tried remembering about the previous night.
Two things I was sure of – one that I had  gulped down a whole bottle of rum and the second that I remembered nothing after that.
My habit generally is to share the deep rotten thoughts with someone after a drink. But last night there was no one with whom I would have shared all those thoughts boggling in my mind.
I could not conclude what all crap I had done the previous night.

The phone, I searched for the phone all around to check if I made any calls. It was there on one corner of the table at the verge of falling down. I picked it up carefully and was surprised to find it switched off. I thought it could be because of low battery but when I switched it on  it had  70% of remaining battery, which was even more surprising for me.

I checked for dialed list in case I made any call to someone. But there was no call in dial or receive list after 7:30pm. The last call was to MOM just to make sure she doesn’t call back in the night. J

I was running out of options to know what had happened in the last 16 hours. Inspired by the Sherlock Holmes, I tried looking for some clue at the crime scene, my room. But ended up with nothing.

Finally I decided to give up as my abdominal muscles were tired up with roughness of alcohol and begged me for some food. I was not in position to cook something by myself so found it better to order from somewhere. It generally takes 20-30 minutes for them to deliver, so I had my bath instead of waiting. After I received my order, finally I had a belly full of brunch.

To pass the time , I thought of watching some movie. My lappy was in the hibernate mode and as I entered my password, a song started playing from between as per playlist played last night.

I noticed there was also one untitled word document . And the first 2 words of that document attracted my attention and I had no choice but to read on.

Hey Ravi,
How are you dude? It seems like something is going on in your mind. C’mon share with me, whatever it is…you will feel good and light.

I don’t know…I don’t know anything…I don’t know what is going on with me…please tell why this is happening with me.

Hmmmmm…good…good that you asked the question.
Now listen very carefully..okay?
What the fuck are you doing man? You are behaving like this is the end of your life. And that too for what , a girl. That bitch who took just a single day to forget you and to get on with someone else.
Fuck you…fuck you man.
First of all stop listening to all those senti type songs, just delete them and don’t forget to press “Shift” button while deleting. You didn’t purchase this woofer for Pankaj Udhas’s or Jagjit Singh’s ghazals’ man. Just rock your room with Rammstein, Porcupine, Metallica, Pink Floyd’s music.

Did you ever realize the depth of shit that you have been into? Fuck your love for that bitch. She doesn’t even think about you. She doesn’t care for you. Did she fucking care to show any concern to you even for once after break up? Instead she found puppet for herself so easily. Probably she will be sharing her bed with that bastard right now when you are thinking about her and crying like a 2 month old child cries for milk.
She called you that day, cried for 2 secs and you were like what, sorry for her. For what you were sorry d**k-head? Couldn’t you get that it was all a drama.
You always talked to her, even when you were tired or busy…just for her, for her comfort. You never rejected her call. But now, she just doesn’t want to talk to you. So much so that she even blocked your number you ass-hole. Are you such a dumb-ass who is not able to understand gravity of situation still?

She didn’t bring another thought to her mind when an option came her way. She didn’t think about you even once.
What the hell is wrong with you man? You simply ignored all the proposals from hot chicks in the town who were desperate to hook up with you. Fuck you..fuck you dude!!! Cmon yaar…don’t you know your caliber? If you really want you can make any girl fall for you.
Between, trust me; she was nothing in front of that hot Jammu chick.

And for god sake please come out of that I-just-want-to-see-her-happy shit. Why her happiness does matter to you? Moreover you have seen that bastard right? He looks like a villain of C-grade south movie. She fell for him for his big…car.
Just open your eyes you dumb-ass, she is just another girl who runs after money. Or runs after dick-heads with money.  She weighs diamond neck less more than your warm hug. For god sake, come out of the sleep. Don’t you remember she mentioned you so many times that even her friends were so jealous of her seeing with you.

And don’t you dare say that “she might not be hottest or most beautiful girl but has beautiful heart”. Fuck you and fuck your thoughts. Who in the world would find a guy soon after a breakup? And she took less than a day for it. It was all a set up you moron.
Did she give a damn about the tonnes of tears that you shed for her? Did she ever care to realize what you were going through? Did she have the slightest idea about all the sacrifices that you’ve done for her?

Cmon dude…this world is full of hot chicks. Just choose another for you and move on.
Ufffffffff…I am tired and I think it should be enough for you dumb-ass…now just go and get me another peg of rum. And don’t forget to make that large. JJJ

And this was it. I was surprised after reading all of it. I wondered if it was me actually who wrote that. I had no idea that I had such a self ego within me. I kept laughing reading that again and again.
Frankly it was such a relief. I was feeling like someone has removed tonnes of weight from my head. I was feeling so relieved.

I just played my favorite track “Nothing else matters by Metallica” and lied on bed to relax.

My sleep got disturbed by phone ring at 5pm. And to be surprise it was HER. Just a day before, it was like dream-come-true for me, but now that meant nothing. I looked over my phone again and smiled. And then rejected her call…yes…I rejected her call…for the first time.
I stood up and looked into mirror. The reflection was not of same person whom I looked in afternoon. There was a smile on my face which I haven’t seen from a long time. I finally could say that I was over her.

P.S. – All these vulgar or abusive words are to spice up the story. But still please don’t forward to any girl. ;P
P.P.S – All incidents appearing in this write-up are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or incident is purely coincidental. :) :) :)

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